The Grier Household

of Spring, Texas



Mr. Jacob Grier

2301 Vanderbilt Place

VU# 354084 Sta. B

Nashville, TN  37235



Dear Mr. Grier,


We would like to thank you for your application to live in the Grier household in Spring, TX, for the 2004-05 school year. We appreciate that you have enjoyed your previous association with our organization and are flattered by your request to renew it. Unfortunately, we have had many other qualified applicants for next year (namely your younger sister, Casey, and your dog, Divot) and are unable to offer you a space at this time.


It is our understanding that your graduation from Vanderbilt is imminent and presume that you have completed applications to graduate school or law school, or will be actively seeking some manner of proper employment. Please do not take this rejection to mean that you are not qualified for these other pursuits. We wish you only the best of luck in achieving them.





Mom and Dad


Ken and Lynn Grier

Spring, TX  77388



P. S. Please do not be under the false impression that “proper employment” includes becoming a street magician and working at a coffee shop. We paid for your education and you had better not waste it. We still have your dog, and we are not above killing him to ensure your cooperation on this matter.