When I said in the last post that the logic behind the name of the Starbucks Caramel Macchiato is “known only to a room full of lame marketers,” I was wrong. My decidedly non-lame friend Wendy knows the truth and reveals it in the comments:

You can have a latte macchiatto, though, right? Where the milk is poured first, then marked with foam. Macchiatto doesn’t have to do with the amount of milk, but the marking. Most people get an espresso machiatto — an espresso marked with steamed milk. But there is such a thing (outside of the siren’s realm, even) as a latte machiatto. This is where the inspiration came from, because the Caramel Machiatto (insert registered trademark sign here) is steamed milk marked with both espresso AND caramel. It’s still misleading, yes, but not quite in the way you think.

Do you realize what a brilliant inversion this is? It’s as if Starbucks was publicly admitting, “We’re not a coffee company anymore, we’re a milk and sugar company. But sometimes we’ll mark our milk and sugar drinks with coffee so you can feel good about ordering them for breakfast.” I love it! I will no longer mock the company for the silly name of this drink now that I’m aware of the genius behind it.

Wendy also reveals that Starbucks once required all its employees to wear tie dye shirts for its 25th anniversary celebration. Weird.

And lest I defame Wendy, Seattlite and coffee lover, by portraying her as an all-out Starbucks apologist, I’ll link to her eclectic list of top five coffee experiences. None of them involve caramel, frappe powder, or the whir of a super automatic espresso machine.

[Cross-posted on Smelling the Coffee.]

I recently wrote here about what makes being a barista such a great job. In contrast, The Roanoke Times ran an op-ed by a barista named Bruce Henry the other day entitled “10 things baristas hate about you.” The author, trying to be funny, comes off as a bit of an ass, but he’s right about some of it. Let’s take it point by point.

10. Teenagers. Bruce says hanging out in a coffee shop will never be cool. I hung out in coffee shops when I was a teenager and I was… ok, well, some of the people there were cool. And some of the most interesting people I know I met while hanging out in coffee shops. Bars have their place, but drinking a cup of coffee with your friends offers its own perfections.

9. Anything decaffeinated. I used to agree with him on this one. Then, after working nearly six months in my current coffee shop, I tried our decaf espresso for the first time. Once I dialed in the correct grind it was surprisingly good. I’ll stick to the regular stuff and still think the decaffeination process is basically molesting the bean, but I have a newfound respect for decaf.

8. Over three words to order. Sort of with him on this one. Simple is better. If you’ve got a good barista, trust him to make you a tasty drink.

7. Taking forever to order. I like answering questions because I like talking about coffee, especially if the customer is open to trying new things (i.e. being steered toward less sugar and less milk). But lollygagging at the counter while scanning the menu they should have been scanning when they first got in line? Yeah, that’s annoying.

6. The macchiato. Completely agree. The word “macchiato” is derived from the Italian for “marked,” as in espresso marked with a touch of milk. How this became Starbucks’ 20 oz caramel drink is known only to a room full of lame marketers. However it happened, it confuses every customer who wants to duplicate the Starbucks caramel macchiato at their local cafe. My favorite story is the customer I served who, even after having it explained to him that a macchiato is a tiny drink and he probably wanted a caramel latte, insisted on getting a caramel macchiato. When I gave him a demitasse of caramel, espresso, and milk, his friends were shocked he wanted such a small beverage. “Yeah,” he said defensively, “at Starbucks you get a much better value.” For him, macchiato was a mysterious essence that made his drink delicious, not a term describing the amount of milk involved.

5. Live music. I’ve never worked at a place with live music. I don’t think it would bother me, but it could disappoint me as a customer if I was expecting a chill place to talk with friends and instead found a loud concert going on. Even worse? Walking in to your favorite shop to find it’s been taken over by a politician’s campaign event.

4. Anything from a blender. Indeed. There’s something degrading about making blended drinks, taking great shots of espresso and tossing them into a container full of frappe powder. As a fellow barista once said, “If I wanted to work at Smoothie King, I’m sure I could.”

3. Being in a hurry. Super automatic espresso machines and milk steamed by the bucketfull makes for drinks served quickly. They also make for bitterness and poor texture. If you want the former, go to one of the big chains with my blessing.

2. Tipping. I think tipping is a good practice for reasons I’ll probably write about here later. But I don’t think it should be taken for granted if the barista doesn’t earn it with skill and a pleasant personality.

1. Starbucks. I’ve written lots about the company before. I can live with the lingo if it gets people drinking espresso. I see Starbucks customers as conversion opportunities less than as annoyances.

Things that would have made my own list? Ordering soy milk (most of it doesn’t texture well). Drinks that are so big I can’t extract the shots directly into the cup. Chai that’s sweet instead of spiced.

[Cross-posted on Smelling the Coffee.]

I’m quoted a couple of times in an article by Christine O’Connor about good coffee and free wi-fi in the May issue of Northern Virginia Magazine. The first time is about why people hang out in coffee shops:

“The coffee house fulfills our need to not be alone,” says former Murky Coffee barista and aspiring coffee shop owner Jacob Grier of Arlington. “Even if we never say a word to anyone, we feel connected to our community.”

The second is about why guys like me continue to work as baristas:

“To be a barista in a quality local shop is to create countless moments of evanescent beauty,” says Grier. “The ideally extracted espresso, the well-poured latte, the repetitive rhythm in making a rush of drinks. All that makes the job wonderfully satisfying.”

So I went a little over the top (OK, a lot over the top), but what can I say? I really like my job. No matter how many times I do it, I never get tired of watching those first drops of espresso coalesce at the bottom of a cup or making a nice rosetta magically flow to the surface of a drink. And the word “evanescent” doesn’t see print nearly enough.

Other Murky regulars pop into the text and photos; note Ryan’s Michael Jordanesque tongue appearance as he concentrates on his latte art.

The article is not available online. Locally the magazine can be found in Barnes & Noble and Borders and has a cover story on forty NoVa places to go for a “frugal feast.”

[Cross-posted on Smelling the Coffee.]

With the humid DC summer almost upon us, it’s time to start thinking about cool, refreshing drinks. Ayran, a salty yoghurt beverage, is one of my favorites to have in Turkish restaurants. Fortunately, it’s an easy drink to prepare at home, too. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been experimenting with making it on my own and have become addicted to the stuff.

The first step is to mix yoghurt and cold water in roughly equal proportions. This sounds, and looks, unappetizing, as the yoghurt gobs together in the hazy water. Stir it together until it’s smooth and liquidy. Low-fat yoghurt works surprisingly well; if you use it, just cut back on the water a bit and substitute an ounce or two of whole milk for thickness.

Now you have something that looks drinkable, but it’s pretty bland. Add salt, Kosher if you’ve got it, to spice it up. Be liberal with it. The first time I had ayran I could only finish half the glass; it’s an acquired taste, but once you’ve got it the saltiness becomes one of the most appealing parts. Stir in the salt and you’re finished. Sit back and enjoy your counter-intuitively delicious beverage.

So that’s ayran. Great for a hot day, but what about at night? Is there some way to make this drink alcoholic? Given current events, the cocktail practically names itself: it can only be called the “nuclear ayran.”

Coming up with liquor that tastes good with a salty yoghurt drink is harder than naming it, but last night my creative bartender friend Sean and I took a stab at this unholy prospect. The salty aspect of ayran got him thinking about margaritas. Thus the first prototype consisted of white tequila, Cointreau, ice, and ayran shaken and poured into a martini glass. Here’s a shot from my camera phone:

The result? Not so good. It was improved somewhat by the addition of Agnostura bitters, but was still missing something. Also, the ayran and liquor tended to separate in the martini glass, so that had to go.

For round two we poured it into a rocks glass over ice, added a splash of soda, and muddled in some basil. This was actually a decent drink, but after all these additions and manipulations the ayran was no longer expressing itself. Next time we’ll keep the soda and rocks glass, perhaps muddle something spicier (jalepenos?), and try out a different liquor. The search continues…