Google may have done me a big favor with its search ranking, but the online magic store Penguin Magic may have just canceled out the benefits with its new DVD release Jay Sankey’s Firestarters: The Real Secrets to Getting Dates with Close-Up Magic and Mentalism:
Featuring 17 brand new MAXIMUM INTIMACY close-up and mentalism effects, this DVD is guaranteed to turn up the heat between you and your audience!
At the same time, Jay teaches you exactly how to determine real prospects, communicate your interest and availability, encourage flirting, fuel chemistry and (most importantly) GET THAT PHONE NUMBER!
Jay also shares an exciting collection of 24 “firestarter tips,” the insightful information you need to get the sparks flying night after night! Learn how to “Make Compliments,” “Express Success,” “Appeal to Her Every Sense,” “Make Her the Star,” and so much more!
Jay even includes valuable information on “Making the Phone Call,” “The First Date,” and “How to Get ANY Woman’s Phone Number!”
I’m ruined! With these secrets out, I’ll no longer be able to use magic to entice women. I’ll have to resort to other gimmicks, like intelligence, personality, or *gasp* self-grooming. But even if I master those, can I possibly compete with guys who can perform…
Whisper: The perfect excuse to whisper a secret into her ear!
Wholehearted: Tear and restore a tissue heart!
Dotcom: The perfect way to get her e-mail address!
Under the Table: Hold hands with her! (Yes-under the table!)
Eye2Eye: Lock eyes with her and create a psychic connection!
Hundred Dollar Kiss: You’ll thank Jay for every kiss on the cheek!
Sexual Healing: Use animal attraction to heal a torn card!
Destined: Challenge fate for her phone number!
V.I.P. (Very Intimate Prediction): She’ll ask you for YOUR phone number!
That’s it for me. The magic thing was fun while it lasted, but now it’s time to pack up my cards and resign myself to a life of celibacy. Curse you, Jay Sankey!
[“In all fairness” note: Jay Sankey is actually a very talented magician, comedian, and cartoonist. While this project of his strikes me as tawdry and calls out to be made fun of, my guess is that it’s a significant step above others of its ilk. And, since it is admittedly not uncommon for magicians to be a bit lacking in social skills, it could prove useful for some.]
[“Pot calling the kettle” note: All kidding aside, I’d be the last to say there’s anything wrong with using magic or any other talent to attract someone. That’s human nature. Tailoring effects to essentially trick someone into giving you their phone number or holding hands, however, seems irredeemably slick and contrived.]
[“Bastard confession” note: I’m really just bitter that Jay released this DVD before I was able to publish my own video project, Ice Breakers: Unleashing the Power of Prestidigitation to Boost Your Playa Prestige.]