SWM seeks new bar

On Sunday the Uno pizza restaurant in the Fair Oaks Mall closed its doors for good. I’m not normally the type to mourn an Uno, but this one was special. It had fun, witty bartenders, friendly management, and a very laid-back atmosphere. Most importantly, it was one of only two bars in the mall that allowed cigar smoking, making it a natural hangout for the guys who work or relax in the John B. Hayes tobacco store. I didn’t go often, but the good company and the cheap beer were enough to lure me to Fairfax every once in a while.

A couple of the guys put up the following ad in search of a replacement. It well captures the appeal:

A guild of loyal patrons is hiring a drinking establishment to become it’s new preferred after hours destination. The candidate establishment must sufficiently satisfy the following legacy criteria.

1. Cigar smoking allowed, encouraged, and not subject to regulatory PM restrictions.

2. A range of moderately priced blended scotches regularly stocked (i.e. Johnny Walker Red/Black, J&B, Dewars etc.)

3. Tasty but likewise moderately priced cusine (ability to cater to special diets a plus but not a requirement)

4. A Bartender(s) who resent their station in life and are willing to castigate patrons in accordance with their existential dissatisfaction (a penchant for the vulgar and profane is a plus)

5. An acceptably mid range decible level of music sufficient to elicit cranial bobbing but NOT inhibiting verbal conversation and interaction.

6. An environment not altogether exclusionary of early 20’s patronage but sufficiently deviod of conditions which promote post meal/drink loitering.

7. Must comply with State regulations for cleanliness (we of the guild cast no judgements in these matters)

Candidate establishments should contact David or Johnathan


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