Chad ranks the DC coffee scene

My friend Chad Wilcox has, surprisingly enough, visited more coffee shops in DC than I have. Today he posted rankings and reviews of many of the local indie shops, based on drink quality, atmosphere, and location. Read the whole thing here.

Chad’s also nice enough to credit me with getting him interested in coffee in the first place, leading to many hours spent with a laptop and a good latte. In return, he turned me on to quality beers. Given the relative impacts on productivity our mutual beverage influences have had on the other and the price of beer compared to coffee, I figure he owes me a significant round of drinks by now.

[Cross-posted at Smelling the Coffee.]


7 thoughts on “Chad ranks the DC coffee scene”

  1. Jacob,

    I find the advanced tactical satire to be most excellent. Free the miracle fruit indeed. I am sure your mind-spaced is graced by many enlightened individuals who would like to participate in the conversation on the other side. Scroll down to the Art and Spirit forum at…

    This is a thought regarding Alex Grey’s work of art called the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors, where I saw the writing on the wall. It said, devote your SELF to solving big problems.

    If you know any stupid old people tell them they can go to the coolest rave in the history of the universe, it’s so cool that you don’t even need to do drugs to have a good time. There are professional artists to do drugs and have a good time on your behalf.

    My ‘religion’
    by tros

    This article was written under the influence of LSD

    Now I try not to complain about something that’s obvious, or can’t be helped, or has been beaten to death already. In this case, I think that most people aren’t aware how much this affects the half of the country that doesn’t vote.

    This is a problem that goes back to the founding of this country, and it’s something that Americans brag about.

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

    Freedom of religion is so fundamental to American ideology that it has been misused by the Christian Right to defend government favoritism toward Christians. But do we have freedom of religion? We definitely have the freedom to be Christian, Jewish, or Muslim. If Hindus had the Christian Right’s “religious freedom” they could outlaw hamburgers. What about animal sacrifice? You can legally feed certain animals to other animals, but to ritualistically kill an animal you own is “animal cruelty”. Rastafarians are not free to practice their religion. Natives can use peyote for religious purposes. Why not hippies?

    I found the sticking point in an older ruling that was actually a victory at the time. US vs. Boyll decided that adherents to Native religions need not be of Native descent to get the exemption.

    Individual freedom, whether it be freedom of religion, expression or association, has been particularly important to maintaining the culturally diverse character of New Mexico. Here, we celebrate the right of the individual to revel in the passions of the spirit. The survival of this right owes much to the protection afforded by the First Amendment, which has allowed New Mexico’s distinct cultures to learn mutual respect for each other’s jealously-guarded customs and traditions. Diversity is new Mexico’s enchantment. For the reasons set out in this Memorandum Opinion and Order, the Court holds that, pursuant to 21 C.F.R. 1307.31 (1990), the classification of peyote as a Schedule I controlled substance, see 21 U.S.C. 812(c), Schedule I (c)(12), does not apply to the importation, possession or use of peyote for bona fide ceremonial use by members of the Native American Church, regardless of race.

    My problem is with the term “bona fide”. What’s bona fide mean?

    bona fide adj. – (legal)

    1. Characterized by good faith and lack of fraud or deceit (a bona fide offer)
    2. Valid under or in compliance with the law (retirement incentives made part of a bona fide employee benefit plan)
    2. Made with or characterized by sincerity (a bona fide belief)
    3. Being real or genuine (bona fide residents)

    Basically it comes down to this. If Republicans don’t want the government to exclude religion from “public life” (that’s politicianspeak for laws, executive orders, and departments of the federal government) they have to define religion. What is a legitimate religion? Who get’s to sign up for handouts under the Faith Based Initiatives program? Furthermore, what makes them legitimate? Until we either stop acknowledging religion in our laws or set some sort of standard, we are automatically playing favorites. Everything Christians want to do is already legal.

    My personal problem is this: How come some asshole who says that peyote is his God gets to trip, but I don’t? Why? Because there are a bunch of other people who say the same thing? Because we (Republican-equivalents) historically screwed their race? I mean, I can do all the same Fail they do. I’ll get a tent, build a fire, do some chanting. I can even play hand drums!

    For me, LSD is not a pleasure drug. I can’t say it’s a religious thing either, because I’ve never been religious. The only thing I can say is that psychedelics are the closest thing I’ve ever had to religion, and it seems like they fill the same mental and emotional space. My demons are figurative, but if I believed that they were actually real demons the government should still respect my beliefs. Last time I tripped, when I quit smoking, I hallucinated my cigarette craving as an animal that chewed up my insides. How is this different from eating peyote and communing with the spirit world?

    The federal government has made an ongoing effort (the War on Drugs) to systematically incarcerate a specific type of person. This type is most notably distinguished by race, and it’s pretty obvious that race was and remains a major factor in marijuana prohibition. In the case of psychedelics it essentially makes it illegal to be a hippie. People will say that it doesn’t count as much as race or religion, that it’s just fashionable hedonism. I just don’t understand why we need to sacrifice a few individuals’ religious freedom in order to crack down on people who want to get fucked up. How are hippies supposed to establish a church and hold “bona fide” religious ceremonies when their special plant is illegal?

    Drug prohibition has been maintained by fear since its inception. The problem is technically very easy to fix: just repeal the appropriate laws. When it comes to complicated problems like social justice, there is a question of whether or not people’s best intentions will be twisted and used to justify something less noble. There is such a thing as an effective vs. an ineffective social program. In the case of drug prohibition there is actually a will to keep the pernicious laws. That such a fundamental injustice is an object of such enthusiasm from politicians is very depressing.

    What makes it worse is that the War on Drugs is a complete waste, even by their standards. What excuse do they always use? THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Our poor depressed Christian youths are being tempted from a virtuous life of faith by these evil pleasure drugs. So what do they do? They make pot the easiest drug for kids to get. Instead of telling people how to use drugs safely, they scare the Fail out of everyone with stories of some guy who thought he saw God an jumped out a window.

    They should be afraid. Take a hint! How effective is your religion when your kids would rather rape their own minds than put up with it, and you need to force it on others to get off. I doesn’t compare. Psychedelics alone do not constitute religion. You need a lot of Fail and trappings and paperwork and slaves before you have one of those. Psychedelics do make individualistic spirituality possible, and it’s a spirituality that is more real than the depressing filth peddled by America’s churches. It’s real because there is no faith involved. Faith is what makes you go through the motions when you know its not real. Faith is what makes you put up with it every time you get screwed. Faith is your excuse for not making your own decisions, your own judgments, or your own values. I’ll believe in your god when I see it.

    Faith can be great, but you can’t just pick something random like giant expensive spy satelite missile defense, or Star Wars style combat robots, or new kinds of nu*c*le*a*r weapons. No, he’s not stupid. He can point to Iraq and yell Armageddon , then crank out the tactical warheads here, just as long as he drawls like an illiterate hick. Fail, can you imagine what would happen if this country were ruled by some acid gobbling mafia? They would probably outlaw Christianity.

    [This was deleted from Wikipedia immediately shortly after it was posted, dismissed as total nonsense.]

    The Fascist Insect is a hypothetical bogeyman with the same existential status as the Flying Spaghetti Monster, although the sheer weight of evidence in its favor may establish its existence through consensus, given the Wikiality of the World Wide Web. The term was first made popular by Patty Hearst, although it soon fell into disuse for various reasons. The Insect can be traced to the First Council of Nicea. After that point it instituted a patriarchal, misogynistic, and heteronormative society in the nation states controlled by the Ecumenical Patriarchate of Constantinople. Eventually it would move west to France, controlling the Holy Roman Empire through the Roman Catholic Church.

    The Fascist Insect is best understood as an emergent tendency in the human brain. It forces populations of human beings to organize militaristic governments by spreading fear through various media. Initially the media used were very primitive, and other books besides the Christian Bible were easily identified and burned. As western civilization progressed it became harder and harder to stem the flow of information, until finally this wikipedia article was written. Emergent behavior is a driving force common to insects, fish, birds, herd animals, humans, and computer programs. These behaviors are being studied by Matthias Felleisen, a Professor of Computer Science at Northeastern University, who helps run The PLT (see PLT Scheme).

    The Insect follows a transcendent awakening of the human species originating in ancient Athens, where Socrates taught Plato. The awakening then moved to Alexandria, where it flourished for a time. As the Christian Dark Ages raged it blossomed in Baghdad. From Baghdad it went to Venice. It was already gone when Galileo Galilee recanted. It blossomed in the mind of Issac Newton long enough to develop Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica. Eventually the Insect took over Newton’s mind and led him to become Warden of the Royal Mint of England. The Insect inspired him to implement the British financial system as depicted by Neal Stephenson in the Baroque Cycle.

    Evidence from art is difficult to justify, but the nascent British financial system was undoubtedly cemented by Isaac Newton and his obsessive hunt for counterfeiters. Isaac Newton is an important cusp in the existence of the Insect because he manifested both the Creative Spirit and the Insect to such a degree that they were let loose upon western civilization and began to interact with each other to form a self-organizing process. This is a process in which the Spirit harnesses the Insect in order advance the material world to higher levels of organization. This process is evident in western science, which was founded on Isaac Newton’s personal view of the material world as revealed to him by the Spirit, and in the development of industrial Capitalism as defended by civil libertarians. This process uses the profit motive to direct the selfish interests of individual human beings toward ends that will benefit other individual human beings. This process continued unchecked until it reached the United States of America in the late 1960s. It first became self aware when Maynard James Keenan wrote the song Forty Six & 2.

    The Baroque Cycle can be seen as a manifestation of the mind of God as revealed to Neal Stephenson. It reflects the (possible) nature of god as a Nietzschean or Freudian triad of subconscious, superconscious, and transcendent self. It’s three main characters symbolize the Mother, the Father, and the God-man. The turning point of the narrative is the chapter in which Jack Shaftoe receives the subconscious notion during a psychoactive mushroom experience that his mission in life should be to save Eliza. In the novel Jack is the equal and opposite reaction to the insect working through Newton, and demonstrates the role of the archaic revival in eventually exorcising the Insect. Daniel Waterhouse represents the Promethean ideal as manifested by the Free Software Movement and Artificial Intelligence.

    Since the unprecedented awakening in San Fransisco in 1969, American popular culture has been a slow migration of social trends from the Bay Area to Los Angeles, where they are distorted and projected onto the rest of the United States through television and films. People who are in on the trends before they manifest in the main stream are typically referred to as “cool”. The current cool trends are the nation-wide festival and rave scenes, which are based on based on the Bay Area awakenings of the 60s and 90s, respectively. These trends eventually make their way to New York City.

    The 1990s brought the first indications that this process is converging. The period of peace an prosperity allowed for two major aspects of the process to emerge. One was the idea of the archaic revival as put forward by Terrence McKenna. The other was the Free Software Movement. Other major indicators include the Burning Man festival and the rock band Tool. Eventually the consciousness of the Burning Man Festival, meaning the first hand experience as an anchor for subjective reality, became subverted in the mind of Daniel Pinchbeck. Pinchbeck recognizes the reality of the archaic revival, but he brazenly admits to trading his momentary enlightenment for sex and money in an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine.

    The consciousness created by Tool has yet to be compromised. The [1]Chapel of Sacred Mirrors was opened in Manhattan on the Autumnal Equinox in 2004 by Alex Grey. Their website claims:

    “The Chapel of Sacred Mirrors (CoSM) is a sanctuary in New York City for contemplation and a center for events encouraging the creative spirit. The Sacred Mirrors, on display in the Chapel, are a series of paintings that allow us to see ourselves and each other as reflections of the divine.”

    The CoSM is a space created by Alex Grey to facilitate the development of self aware human beings. It is an alchemical chamber that transmutes what are commonly called “hippies” into what are not-so-commonly called “heads”. Grey is a self-professed visionary artist and a practicing Buddhist. He rarely makes pronouncements concerning the nature of God. In his painting Saint Albert and the LSD Revelation Revolution, he puts forward the idea that Albert Hofmann was moved by divine intervention to discover LSD.

    The first thing a person sees at CoSM is a painting commanding them the “Surrender to Love”. As the tripping human makes their way through the right wing of CoSM they are shown the Sacred Mirrors, which illuminate the various physical and spiritual dimensions of the human species. Various systems of organs are shown, followed by an illustration of the psychic energy system as established by Vedic civilization. The following picture shows the human being dissolving into a universal mind lattice. The next pictures in the series are an abyss and a depiction of Buddhist Bardos. The last two are the two dual aspects of God personified by Jesus Christ and the Gnostic Goddess Sophia. The right wing signifies the male yang aspect of CoSM, which is to present Grey’s vision of God to a free human being for evaluation.

    The left wing of CoSM contains what would be called in media parlance the “content” of the Chapel. It is a tour of love, sex, spirituality, and visionary states. The room is shaped like a spiral and culminates in what is called the “Christ Room”. The message over the archway commands viewers to devote themselves to solving big problems. On the right is a depiction of Jesus Christ being crucifies on a nuclear mushroom cloud. Straight ahead is Grey’s painting “Cosmic Christ”. On the left hand wall is the painting “Gaia”, where the Insect is revealed. The painting depicts a tree which symbolizes the planet Earth as a living, self-aware organism. On the left side of the tree is an idyllic nature scene. On the right is a scene depicting various forms of pollution. The Insect is depicted as a wart covered penis with testicles, horns coming out of the head, and six insectoid legs. It is shown embracing a businessman in a suit that bears an uncanny resemblance to George W. and George H. W. Bush. This figure is shown handing money to a man with a paramilitary uniform and a gun.

    During a tour Alex Grey opined that this figure looked an awful lot like a terrorist. In the background of the desolate scene to the right of the tree there are two planes flying in the sky. The skyline of the city contains the unmistakable likeness of the twin towers of the World Trade Center that used to exist in New York City. Alex Grey finished Gaia in 1989, according to the CoSM website. The experience of viewing this painting in the appropriate state is very strong evidence for the existence of the Insect.

    Some even stronger evidence for the existence of the Insect is the [2]Rainbow Family of Living Light. Rainbow Gatherings are the the biggest free manifestation of the archaic revival. They are free from the Insect because they forbid the use of its currency within their society. The Rainbow Family is composed of individuals from all ethnicities and spiritual traditions. Many of these people preserve the consciousness created by Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead. Besides using LSD to experience the Creative Spirit, they also use psilocybin mushrooms in a manner that approximates their use by indigenous Americans. They are currently waging a campaign of civil disobedience in national forests around the country in solidarity with the undocumented human beings that are being put in concentration camps by the Bush Administration.

    Early in 2006 the Spirit began to manifest in the State of Oaxaca, Mexico, in the form of a striking teacher’s union. Oaxaca was soon in a state of civil rebellion. Today a full blown fascist crackdown is being imposed upon the innocent people of Oaxaca by the Insect. The indigenous communities have established their own autonomous social services, only to see their community leaders kidnapped, tortured, and murdered. This is the same place where Albert Hofmann traveled to to meet Maria Sabina. Hofmann gave Sabina a pill containing psilocybin, which he extracted from the teonanacatl, and she confirmed that the chemical induces a state that is concurrent with her archaic experience of the divine fungus.

    The War on Drugs is a policy invented by the Fascist Insect to prevent the proliferation of the consciousness created by the union of psilocybin and LSD in the human body. Terrorism is the raw expression of the insect in the physical realm, and it is financed by the illicit profits created by the War on Drugs. It can be manifested by individuals, but it is inevitably more destructive when the Insect acts through the minds of powerful heads of state. The Global War on Terrorism is the culmination of the process as manifested by the Bush family and their political allies. The creative aspect acted through the father in their attempt to subjugate South America with paramilitary armies. The destructive aspect acts through Bush junior’s so-called War on Terrorism. These phenomena, if actually true, could positively identify George Walker Bush with the Antichrist who “appears as an angel of light” although he serves the Beast. That is to say he appears to himself an angel, and so manifests the reality that lies in his subconscious, when it was actually planted there by the Insect. The Insect is best understood in the Judeo-Christian tradition as the union of the Beast and the Whore of Babylon.

    Wikipedia’s standards for verifiability are not yet advanced enough to confirm the existence of the Fascist Insect. Text is not enough. For what it’s worth the best textual representation of the Insect known to the author of this article was put forward by Friedrich Nietzsche in [3]Thus Spoke Zarathustra:

    11. The New Idol

    SOMEWHERE there are still peoples and herds, but not with us, my brethren: here there are states. A state? What is that? Well! open now your ears unto me, for now will I say unto you my word concerning the death of peoples. A state, is called the coldest of all cold monsters. Coldly lieth it also; and this lie creepeth from its mouth: “I, the state, am the people.” It is a lie! Creators were they who created peoples, and hung a faith and a love over them: thus they served life. Destroyers, are they who lay snares for many, and call it the state: they hang a sword and a hundred cravings over them. Where there is still a people, there the state is not understood, but hated as the evil eye, and as sin against laws and customs.

    This sign I give unto you: every people speaketh its language of good and evil: this its neighbour understandeth not. Its language hath it devised for itself in laws and customs. But the state lieth in all languages of good and evil; and whatever it saith it lieth; and whatever it hath it hath stolen. False is everything in it; with stolen teeth it biteth, the biting one. False are even its bowels.

    Confusion of language of good and evil; this sign I give unto you as the sign of the state. Verily, the will to death, indicateth this sign! Verily, it beckoneth unto the preachers of death! Many too many are born: for the superfluous ones was the state devised! See just how it enticeth them to it, the many-too-many! How it swalloweth and cheweth and recheweth them!

    “On earth there is nothing greater than I: it is I who am the regulating finger of God.”- thus roareth the monster. And not only the long-eared and short-sighted fall upon their knees! Ah! even in your ears, ye great souls, it whispereth its gloomy lies! Ah! it findeth out the rich hearts which willingly lavish themselves!

    Yea, it findeth you out too, ye conquerors of the old God! Weary ye became of the conflict, and now your weariness serveth the new idol! Heroes and honourable ones, it would fain set up around it, the new idol! Gladly it basketh in the sunshine of good consciences,-the cold monster! Everything will it give you, if ye worship it, the new idol: thus it purchaseth the lustre of your virtue, and the glance of your proud eyes.

    It seeketh to allure by means of you, the many-too-many! Yea, a hellish artifice hath here been devised, a death-horse jingling with the trappings of divine honours! Yea, a dying for many hath here been devised, which glorifieth itself as life: verily, a hearty service unto all preachers of death! The state, I call it, where all are poison-drinkers, the good and the bad: the state, where all lose themselves, the good and the bad: the state, where the slow suicide of all- is called “life.”

    The phenomenon of linguistic modification to the brain is obvious to any individual who has experienced a high dose psilocybin, and by high I mean within the range of 7 to 14 grams of shrooms. This leads the experienced head to suggest shrooms as a remedy to the the rampant stupidity of American society brought on by television, the drug war, the medical establishment, and pharmaceutical companies.

    Another useful text is this poem created by the author of this article:

    why must we be oppressed by this incessant noise and suffer the whore to babble on and on
    while she sits upon many waters lacking poise you can’t help but feel that some thing’s wrong
    with a prideful people who built a nation
    so drunk with the wine of her fornication
    with the tyrant kings of the earth
    that herald the unholy birth of what would be our hellish fate
    should we tolerate her any longer
    to surrender our lives to the prison state
    as its icy grip grows stronger
    around our means to live, she’ll grasp and hold
    what advances she can, even though we’re told
    she will make us free as our autonomy folds
    immune to those bold enough to scold
    the pious hypocrites in robes of gold
    and to the ones too proud to see
    she remains a stubborn mystery
    from which the vagabonds are forced to flee
    taking shelter in the trees to escape her sleaze
    as the chill of state terror becomes a deep freeze
    those lucky ones cast off to thaw
    on the gypsy train in gentle poverty
    will doubtless feel their soul bled raw
    by the poison offered for a fee
    while those still chained to the pharmacy shelf
    strive to quench their endless thirst
    and teach the child to hate herself
    when she won’t think of others first
    they push her into the arms of sin
    so the babbling whore is bound to win
    the souls of countless daughters falling in
    to the trap soothing woe with intoxication
    letting out only harlots and abominations
    why this keeps happening is plain to see
    they just can’t stand for you to be free
    with fear of want they will pull you in
    to an endless contest you can’t win
    and feed you drugs with fancy names
    while teaching you to fear the same
    from the people they brand with shame
    this is how they reflect the blame
    for the sorry state they’ve made
    so to escape we’ll have to trade
    their lies for truth and junk for medicine
    only then can we let the healing begin

    These are the best words I can find to point to the Insect. It is difficult to understand completely without teonanacatl. Theories based on Emergent Complexity will unfold at a dramatic pace once our brightest scientists are given the opportunity for communication with the mushroom without guilt and fear. Vedic civilization developed a reliable method of training the human animal to see, and this knowledge allows a person to turn the essentially neutral experience of LSD into and encounter with one’s own personal God. Hopefully this text will move you take whatever means necessary to purge the insect from your subconscious. Teonanactl and LSD are not the only way to understand. Civil libertarians recognize the categorical evil of a State that denies the most basic rights of freedom and choice to individual human beings, but they just like being insects. This essay is dedicated to Ayn Rand, who created the libertarian movement despite being enslaved by the false medicine of the Insect, and to Radley Balko and Pete Guither. Check out and for information about how heinous the War on Drugs has become. Just so you all know, the word on the street is that if you take psilocybin and LSD in the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors, you never stop tripping. Say it with me now. DEATH TO THE FASCIST INSECT THAT PREYS UPON THE LIFE OF THE PEOPLE!



    Babylon Matrix Media Window:

    Berkeley Activist Collective Unconscious

    So the campaign to add the fascist insect meme to the collective unconscious is coming along nicely. I added that article to the Wired News Big Questions Wiki:

    Is Jesus THE son of the Flying Spagetti Monster? No of course not. Jesus was not a real person. Anyone who believes that Jesus is the one and only son of God is a retard. Instect article taken down, replaced with contest to prove jesus did not exist. So the FSM is basically the cult of secular atheism, approved of by Richard Dawkins, author of a book called An Ancestor’s Tale, which is an epic narrative of the evolution of life on the planet Earth.

    This is probabably the most important person on the planet to turn on to mushrooms. If we could get this guy we would basically have all of the scientific establishment on our side. We can’t talk to him in person so we must use the retard radio that is called the Babylon Matrix. The only visionary human being to expose himself to this matrix is Daniel Pinchbeck, who is a walking talking lecherous maharishi stereotype. I want everyone reading this to understand that in the emerging visionary community needs to have a consensus based society. We will undoubtedly agree by some process or another what needs to be said to the amphetamine-addicted and AttentionDeficitDisorder-medicated robots on the other side of the veil. Once that process is completed this message will be submitted to Daniel Pinchbeck, who has the power to directly address every individual human being on the planet by writing another book and going on Johh Stewart’s talk show to promote it.

    Media, check. Someone set us up the mooninite. I hope you can see this because I am doing it as hard as I can.

    Next episode: political organization. All your base are belong to us.

    Hint: Free Market Anti-Capitalism

    Kevin Carson is really The Man, and I mean that in the most positive way possible. He deserves the credit for breaking us out of the “Capitalist” language prison. I just thought I would pass the word along…

  2. I used to have a public diary in the prototype google text matrix called Braincrab, inspired by the creatures from the PC game/movie Half Life. It is a conversion of the Babylon Matrix output into pharmaceutical consciousness during the infancy of the “blog” phenomenon. I deleted it because I was paranoid, but my family psychologist has a hard copy on file. I hope the CoSM press will publish it. This information needs to get out.

    Try searching for “braincrab” on google image. It takes you to a satirical Smallvile comic.

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