I claim to be in DC right now, but my friend David thinks he keeps spotting me in Berlin. He even has photographic evidence.
First, an espresso vending machine bearing my name…
… that dispensed this stuff:
There are a few clues that this machine isn’t really me:
1. I’m not electric.
2. Plastic cup!
3. Where’s the crema?
Perhaps it’s the picture of the guy using coffee to attract a beautiful woman that made David think this machine was me. That is a favorite ploy of mine. But in this case the guy appears to be succeeding, so it’s obviously some other Jacob.
Jacob’s Kaffee? Wrong Jacob again.
And what’s this? A man dressed in a bear suit? Damn it David, I’ve told you a million times that’s just a nasty rumor!
Jacob Grier is a freelance writer, bartender, cocktail consultant, and magician in Portland, Oregon. He writes, eats, and drinks a lot. His articles have appeared in the print or online editions of The Washington Post, The Atlantic, The Los Angeles Times, Reason, The Oregonian, and other publications.
Mother-fuckin’ bear suit, yo!
To quote a great man: “hahahahahaha!”