Ancient rivalries die and a new alliance takes shape, as The Queso Crusader receives a surprising offer from Taco Boy:
It was a hot summer day as I relaxed in my Cantina of Solitude with an ice cold margarita, a steaming bowl of queso, and a fresh batch of tortilla chips, when a note slid under my door. There was only one man who could reach me here, and I steeled my courage as I opened the envelope: it could only have come from my arch-nemesis, Taco Boy. But to my surprise, it was a letter of conciliation [signature typos and grammatical mistakes left in for authenticity]:
To my hated enemy, The Queso Crusher,
It seems that my nefarious plans to strand you in the UP have succeeded! Soon my minions will be upon you like so much fire sauce upon the luscious soft taco! While you may have been spending your time looking for something to do, I have been quite busy.
Upon the end of this thing you call “college”, I departed this country to bring Tacos to less fortunate people. I of course, refer to the people in your own nation who have not yet experienced the glory of tacos! Axl Rose, Bill O’Rielly, Steve Perry, and even Arnold Schwarzenegger looked upon me with teary eyes as I showed them the glories of the taco! Some of my critics have criticize me for not putting such efforts towards feeding the hungry. I tell you, there is a no-brainier when it comes to such nonsense. Which of these people looks more like they need a taco?
Clearly, the answer clearly Axl Rose. Think about it, there are tons of people willing to pay for the kid to get food. Who is going to make sure that such celebrities like Axl are exposed to such things? Also, he looks a bit famished after another concert.
After a month of doing such charity work, I felt the need for a vacation of my own. The place? The glorious Taco Bell that sits atop of Mt. McKinley! What a sight! AND I get all the Tacos I want!! It’s one of the best places I’ve been to — ever. Sadly, the Taco Bell hurtled to its doom to the bottom of the cliff. Guess we shoulda invested in that insurance. The only casualty was that annoying little dog. Ironic, aint it?
I write this letter to you also to offer to you an alliance. Think about it. Queso Crusher and Taco Boy: ALLIES! The world shall tremble at our might! This is your last chance at redemption before I cover the world in fire sauce, and kill all the infidels.
Your Newfound Ally,
Taco Boy, I accept your offer to bring tacos to the world, especially to the unenlightened celebrities. However, we will take no action until our alliance is complete. Yes, you know whom we need: Dr Pepper Man. Not just an alliance, but a Tex-Mex Triumvirate! Bring him into this, and the world belongs to us.