Generalissimo X rises again

The editorial column in today’s Vanderbilt Hustler comes from none other than Frank X. Gladu, the Director of Vanderbilt Dining. The headline reads, “Dining director apologizes for score.” At first I thought that meant he’d been caught with a young co-ed, but the score alluded to actually refers to a city health inspection. It turns out Rand Dining Hall has failed inspection with a 48/100 — with 32 of the deducted points for “critical items.” Way to go, Dining!

In his apology letter, Gladu explains, “I really thought they were going to curve that test, so I didn’t prepare enough. With all that grade inflation going on at the Ivy schools, we never get a break! We’re really cramming for the retake though.”

No, wait, that’s the wrong article. That’s from the satire I wrote when Rand failed inspection two years ago with a 69. They’ve dropped 31 points since then. I’ve occasionally felt a touch of guilt for all the times I mocked Gladu in print over the years, but that is now alleviated. He has a tough job and seems like a really nice guy, but this kind of performance should not be rewarded (I suddenly feel like I’m talking about George W. Bush).

So, in honor of Vanderbilt Dining’s accomplishments, here is a retrospective of the past three years:

Dept. of Justice brings anti-trust suit against Vanderbilt Dining ServicesTorch satire written with Justin Holmes; the story that gave Gladu the nickname Generalissimo X.

The Lure of the Rand — Tim Boyd’s encomium to Rand’s mastery of British cooking

Rand fails health inspection — My Slant article from the last time this happened

White House demands ‘regime change’ at Rand — Tim reports on the inspections into Operation Botulism

Shock and awe bombing commences in war against Rand extremists — Mike Mott, Ben Stark, and Dan Ortiz report on the beginning of hostilities

A letter from Frank Gladu — “Frank’s” letter to incoming freshmen, in which he unveils the discovery of “carbonation”

Where will Generalissimo X and his Randian minions take us next? Only time — or the next issue of The Slant — will tell.

Comments

  1. Zhubin says:

    I always felt loyal to Gladu, and not only because the card office I worked at was under his administration and he signed my checks. He’s a genuinely nice guy, and he really does like his job. I think a lot of the bitching about Rand is just useless noise, from spoiled kids who aren’t used to eating food not brought to them by a waiter, and I always felt sorry for Gladu for having to put up with all that shit no matter what Dining did. I remember asking for a couple of items during my tenure there and Dining always getting them quickly.

    Of course, I guess the score proves that things weren’t as rosy as I pictured them to be.

  2. Jacob says:

    Yeah, I’ve got no problem with Frank himself. He always seemed to take the Slant jokes in stride and I know he cares about the students.

    However, I do think Vandy Dining is a classic case of a monopoly dishing out crappy products that they couldn’t get away with under competition (their monopoly stemming from the fact that the school won’t let Card money be used anywhere off campus). And they’ve completely ruined the Pub, which is a real shame.

    One good thing: the stir fry stand. That one got me through the last semester.

  3. Taco Boy says:

    Look, I agree mostly with Zhubin here. A lot of the noise generated about Rand is spoiled kids that have nothing better to whine about. It is a cafeteria at a school, and it IS better than most. Im not saying their a 5 star resturant, but I always felt bad for Frank and all the “LOL!!! RAND SUCKS!!” shit he gets from kids who would rather show off how much money they have by eating off campus every fucking day. That said, even the Taco Boy stays away from their Taco Stand. I usually nowadays go with the Rand Salad.

  4. Joel H says:

    Jacob, there was once a Slant article about Rand’s “Salad Toss” (playing on the obvious double meaning, of course) that I have been unable to locate since. It was from the early years (the Joe Wong or whatever his name was era). Any clue if it still exists somewhere in an online archive?

  5. Jacob says:

    The site’s down right now, but I’ll see if I can find the article when it’s back up.

Leave a Comment

*