Today’s my twenty-second birthday. Or, as is more fitting for the likely means of celebration, the first anniversary of my turning twenty-one.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Oh dear. It’s my favorite blogger’s birthday and I didn’t get him anything. For shame.” Relieve your conscience with one of these great products that I just can’t live without:
Because my flatmate’s decorating is a bit too cheery…
Because nobody likes painful nipple abrasion…
Because I can’t shower in coffee (no matter how much I want to)…
Because there’s nothing like a tasteful magic effect for picking up the ladies…
Because I already miss the days of Aerobie on the Lawn…
Because I’m tired of the same old burger…
Because I want to make an ironic statement with my lemonade…
Because I have a wicked slice…
Because sometimes I feel a little too big for my britches…
Of course, this is what would really make me happy…
Jacob Grier is a freelance writer, bartender, cocktail consultant, and magician in Portland, Oregon. He writes, eats, and drinks a lot. His articles have appeared in the print or online editions of The Washington Post, The Atlantic, The Los Angeles Times, Reason, The Oregonian, and other publications.
Returning to the Road
My friend John and I have just returned from a road trip to Columbus this weekend to see some friends and make good on an offer for some free tickets to the Ohio State-Wisconsin game. This is my third trip…