a) a lame mixed drink with way too much fruit juice in it
b) an offense punishable by several years in prison in Dubai
c) an illegal cocktail in Britain
d) all of the above
If you answered “d,” you may soon be right! Proposed regulations in Britain will ban the sale of drinks that could be seen as enhancing “social, sexual, physical, mental, financial or sporting performance,” which could presumably forbid names like “Sex on the Beach” from appearing on bar menus. Other potential changes include banning free drink giveaways to women, restricting free samples, putting an end to drinking games, displaying warning labels about the dangers of excessive consumption, imposing a floor price for drinks, and, most tackily, requiring that wine glasses bear volume markers.
In other news, Orkney MP Alistair Carmichael has stood up in Parliament for Skull Splitter, the deliciously heavy Scottish ale under fire for its “violent” viking connotations. Its fate remains undecided, but it’s safe to say that if Thorfinn were in charge we wouldn’t have to deal with all this nonsense. The beer would flow plentifully and no one would bother with a Sex on the Beach anyway.